still

 

“At any given instant, all solids dissolve. No wheels revolve, and facts have no endurance- and who knows if it is by design or pure inadvertence that the Present destroys its inherited self-importance.”      – W.H. Auden

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Everything you have once loved and cherished could be taken away from you at any instant.

All you know to be normal or secure no longer taking part in your life. To be stripped of every certain thing and be left with endless unknowns. Almost as if to fall into a deep pit of despair, watching all you once had slowly drifting away.
Without choice, without control, left with nothing.

Is this not life itself?

An endless fight to keep what you have. Relationships, objects, memories, youth, the things you once believed. Going through the motions. Turning truths into lies and fate into fear. Hazy and confused. Engulfed by the effortless misfortune of loss. Overwhelmed by fogginess. Loss of hope for a future and hope for a better life.

As if trying to hold on and let go at the same time.

A sad love story in itself.

No longer taken by surprise or wishing for the best but understanding it may only be reality. Short of expectations and far from understanding.

The things that used to matter in our world, like true love, beliefs, safety turned cold. What we now know as violence, misfortune, divide, sac religion, hate. In time all our society fights for now will one day mean nothing. The trends we set, the reputation we have, the fortune we “own.” Worthless.

To live another meaningless day.

Without a small glimpse of belief I don’t see how we survive. Listening to our heart instead of our head. This creates some sort of meaning, even if it barely exists. Solids dissolve and facts will change but you are certain. Endurance and character birthed through trial and error, heartache and pain. Falling in and out of love with life. It is simply a choice.

Designed for each adversity. It meets you in the stillness and uncertainty. In the self buried so deep it takes you by surprise. Almost as if to chase you down.

To realize without trying that you were made for this. Assurance in the loneliness that  you are not alone and certain in the uncertainties that one day it will all make sense. To live for those moments. To strive each day to look as it patiently waits for you.

Then as it is brought to the light it grows.

If only this got rid of the baggage and the pain.

There with you in the highs and the lows. Guiding your steps and your path showing you there has been beauty the whole time and it’s never too late to find. Now it’s in the simple things. Sunrise, sunset type of joy. A cool breeze, warm hug, good meal, long walk. It’s worth the fight. Long waited for and quick to be found.

Now we create. The life, the dream, the family, the future. The things you love. Re living the things you once loved. Caught up in the beauty of design, the beauty of creation. Feeling full of life and staying in a lasting state. Living there. Choosing to get rid of things that no longer grow you or bring you closer to where you want to be and who you want to become.

And on the harder days, you allow yourself to feel but not enough to be filled. Using emotion, or no emotion to create different types of things. Different types of beauty. Still a vital part of the process but not as easy to look forward to.

So “who knows if it is by design or pure inadvertence that the Present destroys its inherited self-importance?” Now you no longer focus on what you don’t know but instead all  you do know.

When everything is gone you are no longer left with nothing. Mindful of what is ahead and never too far to forget where you came from. Balancing all you know and all you should know. Grasping every single second and not wasting one more moment. It’s in this place you truly find what you are looking for. Allowing yourself to fall unintentionally and leave without regretting.

This may be seen as a weakness or a sense of being naïve, but those to say these things want what you have. They don’t realize its there for everyone freely to enjoy.

That’s where you are so filled with love and passion for what you’ve found that you no longer want to hide it. Giving everywhere you go. Creating in everything you see. Loving everyone you meet, but it’s real this time. When all else fails rest in the stillness.

<3 alivia leigh

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